Reality Checks Can Improve Your Life

If You Forget to Do a Reality Check, It Means that You Are Hypnotized.

 One lady said that she was so caught up in what she was thinking (daydreaming), she forgot to look at her speedometer. She got a traffic ticket for going 85 mph in a 65 mph zone. Failing to do a reality check by looking at her speedometer cost her over $400.

A guy started eating from a large bag of potato chips. He got so caught up in eating and checking emails on smart phone that he ate the whole bag.

In upcoming posts I will give more examples. People are so distracted nowadays and caught up in things that if you are like most people you are actually hypnotized much of the time and don't even realize it.

You can't realize it because you forget to do a reality check where you could realize it.

So if you are making mistakes and things seem to be not working out, it could be that you are not fully aware. When you are fully aware you actually are consciously in reality.  If you drift in and out of being fully aware, then sometimes you are not fully there, and you need a prompt to do your reality check.

The goal is to be in reality most of the time, and when you drift away (like when you are daydreaming, caught up in texting, or emotionally excited) that you are quickly prompted to remember to take a mental step back and get the big picture. This is your reality check.

Remember--when you are hypnotized, people can take advantage of your unawareness. Plus you can make mistakes, like the lady in my example why forgot to look at her speedometer.

Discerning awareness is a gift from God. He gives animals instincts. He gives humans awareness.

I made a small simple and free meditation to help people get out of negative thoughts and distracting daydreams and come back to awareness. If you wish to try the complementary meditation, it is free at www.thefreemeditation.com







"My Husband and I Argue All the Time"- thoughts from a 25 year counselor



"All couples argue," says Roland Trujillo in a recent radio interview. Read the whole interview

"All couples argue. Because you have two different people with different needs and different opinions, arguing is inevitable.

In fact (and this is controversial) men and women live in different worlds. So again, disagreements are to be expected.


If it is any consolation to you, arguing is very common in marriages. You could almost say that all the squabbling and arguing are "normal." I would venture to say that if a couple isn't arguing--something is wrong.

If there is silence, then it is usually an eerie silence, with buried resentment and hostility underneath. Or it's a marriage in name only (like some celebrities get married just to further their career). Or perhaps one person has completely capitulated and has become a repressed doormat.

Arguing is par for the course. Men and women are different and live in different worlds. Someone once said that a good marriage is a good fight. Yes, there will be arguments. But there is such a thing as a good fight.

A good fight is when what is right wins. A good argument is when-instead of sniping, anger, violence, or a game of one upmanship--reason prevails.


There is an ancient mystery between men and women going all the way back to the Garden of Eden. And there is a legacy of misunderstanding that is passed down from one generation to the next. It is hard to convey all I wish to say in just a few paragraphs, but I can provide a few hints to get you thinking along these lines.

Divorce is not the answer. What is needed is understanding.

Abraham Lincoln once said that two people can disagree without becoming disagreeable. Arguing, especially if done in the right way, gets things out on the table and is better that the typical eerie silence with resentment and secret hostility underneath. If one person is unreasonable--it should just draw forth more reasonableness in the other. Remember: what is right is more important than who is right. When right prevails, then it is a win-win for both.








We must also wake up to see that we have been resenting and blaming the other person. Most of us are basically selfish. We have an agenda we want to impose on the other. When our needs are not met, we become resentful and begin to look elsewhere.

The truth with love is supposed to set us free. But few of us have the love to set others free.



I once had a listener who could not understand why she so resented her husband. He was decent, hard working, honorable, always there, and kind. But he lacked something special (a love that comes through him from God). I explained to her that she was looking for something from him that he could not give. He cannot give what he does not have. This was a profound insight for her. She realized that he had not found love from God. Thus he too was empty and suffering. When he was a little boy, he was hurt and damaged; and he never fully recovered. He could not give what he did not have.

An insight like this, if realized deeply, can lead to being able, for the first time, to drop resentments against the other person.


Ladies, you cannot make a man into a man. Even if you were to succeed, he would be in your image, with you as his god.

Men, do not look for love from your wife. Give love instead. Become more fatherly. Look upon others as if they were naughty school kids. Set a good example. Be forthright, but kind. Do not have expectations as to what the other person should be like or do. Be there for your family.

If your partner also develops understanding, then your relationship can become heaven on earth. If only you become more aware and mature in your understanding, you are still much better off because you will be able to deal gracefully with situations, and spare yourself the upset, frustration and emptiness you now feel.



Roland Trujillo, MS, D. Pastoral Psychology, is the author of 18 books. He is host of a radio advice program that currently airs in Southern California and around the country for 25 years. 

Listen to Roland's 1 minute sound byte about his special offer and The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage
In his new 350 page book Putting the Forever Back in Love Roland reveals little known secrets to marriage success.