"My Wife and I Argue All the Time" -- Love Really Is the Answer

"Men need a little clarification about what the husband's (dad's) really role is.
For example, what your family really needs is for you to be strong and sure (without anger of course). " "You need to be more like John Wayne and less like Mr. Rogers. "

Men need to pay more attention to what their family really needs from them rather than what they say (or complain about). "
quotes from Dr. Roland Trujillo on men and marriage



Don't forget. I'm available for consultation and feedback online 7 days a week - phone, email, or live chat. Who would you rather talk to - me or someone else?

To put it another way: most men need some basic training about marriage matters. Fortunately I am a senior mentor and a marriage coach.

Men need to get a little in getting clarified what the husband's (dad's) really role is. For example, what your family really needs is for you to be strong and sure (without anger of course). You need to be more like John Wayne and less like Mr. Rogers. You need to pay more attention to what your family really needs from you than to what they say (or complain about).
Look, I'm a guy just like you. I play golf and before I became a counselor and college lecturer I had a nice corporate career. I want to help you. Men tend to be a little unsure of themselves and they tend to put their wife on a pedestal and defer to her.  

 Take a look at this common scenario.

Josh and Kaitlin just had another big spat. This time the huge argument was over the toothpaste tube.

Last week they had a big argument over money. Two weeks ago the argument was over whether to have the window open or closed.

Each time she throws everything in his face. He clams up. Nothing is solved. Another layer is added to unfinished business and baggage from the past, which resurfaces the next time they argue."

To the untrained observer, it would appear that the issue was the toothpaste tube, money or the window. But to Dr. Roland Trujillo, not so.

"The toothpaste tube is only the occasion for pent up hostility, suppressed angers and long standing unfinished business to burst forth."

Roland continues: "Here's the rest of the story. Josh comes home from work and sits down in front of the television. Kaitlin had been working all day and taking care of the kids. She feels unappreciated.

Josh can sense that she is angry about something, but he doesn't want to begin a conversation because he knows the dam will break and she will throw a long list of things in his face. So he avoids talking.

Josh stays home in the evening even though his friends want him to play cards with them. He is angry because she does not appreciate his sacrifice. Kaitlin complains that the repair he made in the bathroom is not working so she is going to have to call someone else to do it who knows what they are doing. Josh feels like she does not respect him.

Kaitlin wants to talk. She hopes the maybe when thy go to bed, they can talk like they used to. Josh falls asleep right away. Kaitlin feels unloved.

Kaitlin admits to her friend that she tends to throw everything at him all at once. He probably feels overwhelmed says her friend. I know, says Kaitlin, but I can't help it. I keep trying to get his attention."

And once she does, everything that she has been holding in comes out. Afterwards she feels guilty about it.

Josh tells his friends that he loves his wife, but "she is never satisfied with anything I do." "I'm always wrong."

Soon one or both of them are thinking: "I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of not being appreciated. I'm tired of being the one who has to work on our marriage. I'm tired of always giving in for peace. We have nothing in common. The love is gone."

Here's the bottom line, says Roland. Kaitlin is resentful. And so is Josh. It is the resentment that causes the accumulation of hurt feelings and hostility. The accumulation of upset leads to either exploding in anger or suppressing and clamming up. Neither is healthy.

Resentment washes away reason. Resentment takes away the ability to be reasonable and calm. It leads to frustration and upset. These lead to discouragement, feeling tired, negative thinking, stress and physical symptoms that stress contributes to.



"All couples argue," says Dr. Roland Trujillo in a recent radio interview.

"All couples argue. Because you have two different people with different needs and different opinions, arguing is inevitable.

In fact (and this is controversial) men and women live in different worlds. So again, disagreements are to be expected.

So why is it that when we watch a debate on television, we enjoy it, but at home debates deteriorate into arguments and get ugly? What is the difference?

Here is the difference

1. In a debate we don't take it personally. At home, our ego gets involved.

2. Resentment. At the office or in a debate, we can be objective about things. At home we become resentful. I talk about this in my book and in a popular article I wrote entitled "What is the Number One Cause of Divorce."

3. No one has taught us the right way to argue. If a couple argues about what is right instead of who is right--and what is right wins--it is a win-win for both.

4. And this is important--we need to understand the difference between men and women.
And there is a difference. Vive la difference! as the French say. In my book I tell the story of men and women, all the way back to paradise lost in the Garden of Eden.

I talk about how misunderstanding each other's true needs leads to confusion and feeling empty."

"Don't worry," says Roland. "It is possible to disagree without being disagreeable. In fact, if we can learn to love each other instead of resenting each other, we might even be able to live happily ever after. "






Roland Trujillo, author, lecturer, marriage coach,
and author introduces his new comprehensive look at the delights, the challenges and the mysteries of marriage.

For over 20 years, Roland has been helping couples repair their relationships and move forward to optimal living.

Roland is now bringing his insights, based in compassion and spiritual principles, to a
new level in this unique look at the perils, pitfalls, and promises of relationships.

Why do we argue? How can I be more forgiving? Does divorce affect the kids? Can I save my marriage? My wife cheated on me-now what? My husband annoys me. Can we reconcile?

This long awaited book answers these questions and more. For years, listeners have thrilled to hear Roland on the radio. Now his advice for couples is crystallized in this unique look at relationships. Roland talks about the “how” of loving, forgiving, and reconciling. He will help you understand how resentment blocks love, and how to become unblocked.

Roland even explains how the ancient story of Adam and Eve is still repeated in homes today. This book is for anyone interested in relationships, why they get in trouble, and how to repair them

The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage - making relationships work.

318 pages of insights and solutions

Written by Dr. Roland Trujillo Doctorate in Pastoral Psychology and based on 22 years of counseling and coaching couples


Here are just some of the topics discussed


The Dating and Mating Game Is Not a Game
“A Rose by Any Other Name is Still a Rose”
Why I Decided to Become a Pastor
Where to Find Real Solutions to your Relationship Woes
Why Couples Argue
Myths of Marriage
Sex in Marriage – The Shocking Truth
How to Forgive and Forget
How to Apologize and Clear the Air with Dignity
Just How Important is Dad?
Marriage Counseling for Men
Can I Reconcile with My Husband, Wife, or Child?
Is Food Your Secret Lover and Enabler?
Dealing with Hard Times
Adam & Eve: The First Dysfunctional Family
My Husband is Annoying
My Wife Asked Me to Move Out –What Should I
Do?
Advice to Divorced Moms
My Wife Cheated on Me – Now What?
Finding the Best Marriage Advice – Trust Your Instincts
The Strong Family—Ten Lessons in Faithfulness


Purchase at Amazon.com in quality paperback for $14.95
Preview and purchase at Kindle! and download to your kindle or mobile device for $9.95






"Hello everyone. These are two books that I think you should have on your shelf (or on your computer, Android or Kindle).

The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage is my most popular book and it covers the basic important stuff like no other book.

Putting the Forever Back in Love is a follow up to The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage.

 Putting the Forever Back in Love has advanced strategies. If you have been married for more than 10 years and your marriage is in trouble, this is the book you will want to read.

If you have kids and want to have some advanced insights and strategies for parenting, then Putting the Forever Back in Love is definitely going to be on your shipping list.


Now here is the good part!


 Remember that I have a long standing offer. You can get any one of my ebooks sent to you by email as a token of my appreciation when you make a donation of any amount.

Many people don't know that I am a volunteer. I buy the airtime and internet time in order to be there to help people. Soooooo, any donation (yes, even a small donation like $2 is really appreciated by me).

So to take advantage of this offer, get a free eBook, and help keep this blog going--all at the same time--just click here and choose a book. then make a donation at safe and secure Paypal and you will get your gift eBook right away!!!


Why do couples argue?
How can we put the sparkle back in our marriage?
How can we communicate better?

What is the difference between courtship and casual dating?
My wife asked me to leave.
Why are men the way we are?
What does my wife want?
Can we reconcile?
My wife cheated on me – now what?

Based on over 20 years of counseling couples and answering questions on the radio. Roland tackles the tough questions with humor, discernment, and refreshing honesty. From the Garden of Eden to the 21st century, he’s got relationships covered.







"Roland, thank you so much for your book. 
When I heard that you are a pastor, I hesitated to order it because I'm not into religion.  But because I wanted to learn more about why I can't stop resenting my husband so much, I went ahead and got the book. I'm so glad that I did. The advice is very practical, and the book is filled with some beautiful spirituality too. I spent over a thousand dollars to register and fly to an out of town seminar  I could have saved the thousand and got your book instead."  Suzy - San Bernardino    

It's like a relationships seminar in a box!

 

Putting the Forever Back in Love - Advanced Concepts in Relationship Building

 

This book contains advanced concepts for coping with and resolving difficult relationship issues. 

If you liked The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage you will love this book.  

Been married for many years and have some issues? This is the book for you. 

Based in 24 years of research and counseling, Dr. Trujillo presents new insights and strategies for healing relationships and resolving stress and unhappiness. Partners, parents, couples considering marriage, and adult children of dysfunctional families will find both practical and spiritual principles to help them move forward to happiness.

 Want Putting the Forever Back in Love in paperback? Click here to see it at Amazon

Click here to preview in the Kindle edition!
 
Get a free eBook and help keep this blog going--all at the same time--just click here and choose a book. then make a donation at safe and secure Paypal and you will get your gift eBook right away!!!   

You'll benefit from Dr. Roland's 25 years of experience. Plus his books are a good read. 

You'll also  be saving up to 80% off retail price. 

When you send a donation to help Roland, you are actually paying forward to help others. Roland volunteers his time to help others and he frequently gives materials away free to people who can't afford anything. 







 

Roland Trujillo, MS, D. Pastoral Psychology, is the author of 16 books. He is host of a radio advice program that currently airs in Southern California and around the country for 25 years.

In his new 350 page book Putting the Forever Back in Love Roland reveals little known secrets to marriage success.




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