Are There No More Good Men Left

Editor's note: the reader may also care to read Roland's advice to divorced moms about talking to the kids, reconciliation, dating, and remarriage
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Yes, there are. Unfortunately, most of them are misguided about what it means to be a man.
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Many would have you believe that men are dumb slobs, or at best ambitious beer drinkers. When men buy into this notion, it works out to the advantage of the advertisers and those who want power over them.
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That's why the man is tempted into acting like a party animal or sports junkie. Little is expected of him.
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But in the long run, his wife and other people won't have any respect for him. He will also find that he has no authority in his home, and is generally treated with contempt.
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On the other hand, some men are angry and violent. They are obviously wrong. Their anger may frighten people, but these men are also of weak character. They are easily tempted to anger. And because of their anger, they are not only wrong, but also get in trouble.
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But how about all the decent men who go to work, earn a living, and spend their weekends with their family or working in the yard? Unfortunately, these decent men are often also held in contempt by the media and by those who basically don't like men.
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How is that otherwise good and decent men are self conscious, self doubting, and generally feel like they need advice about how to communicate or be? It is because they have become outer directed and subject to the very ones who hold them in contempt.
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Today power goes to the institutions and a sea of experts, writers, pundits, counselors, educators, social workers, ministers, and facilitators. A long time ago it was: "Father Knows Best." Now it is: everyone knows best except father. That's how the so-called helpers get power and get rich.
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The key to restoring order, harmony, love and understanding in the marriage relationship has to do with waking up and seeing the truth.
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For every home where there is a violent father, mother, or guardian, there are many homes where everyone is decent but is held in subtle contempt by other members of the family who have bought the lie. The media and the advertisers appeal to the lowest common denominator.
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Most people are far, far more human and sophisticated than we are portrayed as.
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Dad may not be dumb or uncommunicative. He may be quiet because he is kind or knows that his words would be misinterpreted. He may live a simple old-fashioned life, not because he is unsophisticated, but because he is giving up many selfish pursuits and excitements for the good of the family.
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I know a sad story where outside experts convinced a wife to divorce her husband, who was regarded as decent but dumb, so she could "do her own thing."
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The kids, closer to her and viewing themselves as educationally superior to their behind-the-times dad, took her side. Soon the whole family was in rebellion against dad.
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Bear in mind that he was decent, hard working, non drinking, nonviolent, and not womanizing. The divorce destroyed the family, hurt the kids and ruined both of their finances. Sadly she got lupus and then cancer. He died alone.
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Years later, the kids realized that dad wasn't as bad as they had thought. But it was too late. Meanwhile the experts, who talked her into divorcing, did not have to even suffer any inconvenience for their social experimentation.
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Yes, some men are no good. And, yes, some women are no good. Just make sure that someone, such as the entertainment media, has not gotten between you and your beloved spouse or between you and your beloved kids--and fed your mind with false notions and suggestions instead of human understanding.
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Marriage is a union and a bond, both physical and psychic. Believe it or not, marriage is sacred. Admittedly, most people marry for the wrong reasons; but marriage is a wonderful opportunity to learn not to be selfish.
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And I have to say: what goes wrong with the family is the father's fault. He holds a very special office: the office of fatherhood. The man must wake up to see that he is not being a man. He cannot be violent, and he cannot be a wimp. He must have the patience of Job, and the wisdom of Solomon. He must not fail.
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The media and others who want his power will never stop tempting him and seeking to degrade him. He must see what is going on and simply stay the course.
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A husband and father must be principled, honorable, patient, wise, longsuffering, and kind. He must have the courage of conviction.
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He must make principle more important than anything. He has to be able to stand on his own feet, know what is right and do what is right--without his wife's or anyone else's support.
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(Incidentally, ladies--when you are looking for marriage material, you won't find a perfect man. But look for a man who is principled, who loves what is right, and who lives honorably and who treats you with respect. Such a man loves what is right and will sometimes take a stand. There is hope with a man like this.)
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When the man sobers up and realizes what is required of him, he will throw away his drink, drugs, and marijuana. Sports and entertainment will return to their proper place--rest and recreation after a life well led. He will do what is right even if it means not being popular.
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He will stand for what is right with courage and kindness; and will not need the support of a wife, buddies, peers, support group, or church. He will reach within and find an invisible means of support: and his aloneness and honor will breed respect.
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The good men are there, but they must step up to the plate. Husbands--your wife and your children need you to be the noble knight in shining armor.
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If you will, Sir, be that man.
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