I Resent My Husband And Then I Eat Too Much
Food seems to play a part in our relationship problems. Here are some excerpts from a chapter in Roland's soon to be published book about relationships.
Food offers a mysterious salvation and escape for us humans. And because it offers escape and comfort, we turn to it when our ego is hurting, when we need our anger soothed, or our anxiety taken away.
For each of us, food has both a personal history and one that is inherited along with our heritage as a human.
When life is boring, we look for something distracting or exciting. When life is boring we look for something to excite our imagination.
When life makes us uneasy and nervous or anxious, or when we have a hard time coping with what we see, we look for escape.
Our salvation comes by way of the two-fer we get with food. It both offers a pleasurable escape, as well as comfort.
The comfort part is easy to understand. Food fills our tummy and takes away hunger. It also is associated with childhood memories of mother and her love and her food. So when our ego needs comfort, it turns to the mother love that food represents.
The escape aspect is also easy to see, but has a more profound aspect to it. The down to earth part is the simple fact that food offers a pleasurable diversion when, for example, we eat a nice meal, have a snack, or enjoy a sandwich with the Internet, newspaper, or television. In short, it is a pleasant break to eat.
But in a more profound sense, food also has a hypnotic quality. It ushers in dream time. We float away with our favorite food, and we are carried away from reality. Watch people sometime in a restaurant. As soon as they start eating, they are gone, off in a very private munching world.
We celebrate with food, but we also escape with food. When our life is not going well, when we have issues and problems, when we don't feel good about ourselves, when people are upsetting us--we turn to food for comfort and escape.
Food seems to understand us--just as a mother might. Comforting and forgiving us, and reassuring us that everything is alright. Just as sleep is an escape for some people, so is the food trance.
Here is another very important aspect of why we have such a relationship with food. Food fills the emptiness. When we feel empty and unloved, many of us turn to food to love us. That's why many of us have food problems.
A nice young lady whose dad is not there for her might find a sort of substitute love in food.
A married woman, whose husband is not there for her, may find a substitute love in food.
A man who was close to his mom, might now be his own chef and cook for himself (thereby loving himself).
Here is a key principle to bear in mind: the human being is created in the image of God. Our soul should be loved and reassured by its Creator. But most of us do not have a bond with our Creator within. Most of us have not really found Him (though some will, and that is what I am trying to help you to do). Something gets in the way of being close to our Creator and having His love.
If you were to find this inner rapport with God, then you would not need the love of the world. You could be a good wife, husband, or neighbor, enjoying fellowship with others--but you would not need other's love.
If you found the life of the spirit that would come from within, you would not need distractions, diversions, or escapes. You would enjoy reality.You would live and move and have your being in the light and love of the Creator. Life would be exciting in a quiet way, and you would receive an invisible comfort from being in the good graces of God.
You would still find a modest pleasure in food, friends, work, exercise and so on. But nothing would become too important. You could be moderate in all your ways.
Next time you become angry and resentful--notice how you become hungrier and thirstier. Resentment and wrong living excite and awaken a lust for life. But the piper has to be paid. We lose the approval of God, and we become dependent on worldly comforts to soothe our pain. A wife can have food problems because she resents and judges her husband.
