Why Marriages Fail
All newlyweds start off looking forward to a life of happiness. They are sure that they won't make the mistakes their parents made. But lo and behold, a few months or years later, history repeats itself. She feels unloved and he feels trapped. She is unhappy about something and he can't figure out what she wants. Something is going on underneath.
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On the surface, there is squabbling, nit picking, nagging, sniping, or long periods of silence. But there are undercurrents of resentment.
Sometimes you see a workaholic husband who thinks everything is fine, but all of a sudden, out of seemingly nowhere, she says her needs are not being met and she wants a divorce. But it didn't happen all of a sudden. Resentment, judgment, hurt feelings were probably there for a long time.
I have to say that resentment and misunderstanding often have a basis in selfishness. But wait! I'm not blaming. My point is that there are a lot of wrong ideas out there about what marriage is all about. Buying into the ideas, we start to have a build up of resentment because we feel, for example, that we are being cheated of self fulfillment or some such thing.
Dr. Laura Schlessenger wrote a book about the 10 stupid things that couples do to ruin their relationship, and one of them she called the "stupid breakups." Before you decide that your husband is no good and the grass is greener somewhere else, I would like to recommend standing back and taking a fresh look at marriage.
We have been misled and have lost our way. If only we had understanding.
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Doesn't it seem odd that after 6,ooo years of human history, we still haven't figured out what's wrong? The best minds and experts have had thousands of years to work on the problem, tens of thousands of books have been written, and somehow it still eludes their grasp.
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Some people try living together instead of getting married. They saw their parents arguing, so they reasoned that if they don't get married and just live together, they won't have the same problems their parents had. But of course, it doesn't work. In fact, the studies are showing that on just about every scale: break-ups, arguing, kids having problems and so on, informal arrangements are no better than formal ones.
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You see, marriage is not the problem. The problem is a lack of understanding. There's a lot of misinformation out there about love, sex, and marriage. . . . . .
.
On the surface, there is squabbling, nit picking, nagging, sniping, or long periods of silence. But there are undercurrents of resentment.
Sometimes you see a workaholic husband who thinks everything is fine, but all of a sudden, out of seemingly nowhere, she says her needs are not being met and she wants a divorce. But it didn't happen all of a sudden. Resentment, judgment, hurt feelings were probably there for a long time.
I have to say that resentment and misunderstanding often have a basis in selfishness. But wait! I'm not blaming. My point is that there are a lot of wrong ideas out there about what marriage is all about. Buying into the ideas, we start to have a build up of resentment because we feel, for example, that we are being cheated of self fulfillment or some such thing.
Dr. Laura Schlessenger wrote a book about the 10 stupid things that couples do to ruin their relationship, and one of them she called the "stupid breakups." Before you decide that your husband is no good and the grass is greener somewhere else, I would like to recommend standing back and taking a fresh look at marriage.
We have been misled and have lost our way. If only we had understanding.
.
Doesn't it seem odd that after 6,ooo years of human history, we still haven't figured out what's wrong? The best minds and experts have had thousands of years to work on the problem, tens of thousands of books have been written, and somehow it still eludes their grasp.
.
Some people try living together instead of getting married. They saw their parents arguing, so they reasoned that if they don't get married and just live together, they won't have the same problems their parents had. But of course, it doesn't work. In fact, the studies are showing that on just about every scale: break-ups, arguing, kids having problems and so on, informal arrangements are no better than formal ones.
..
You see, marriage is not the problem. The problem is a lack of understanding. There's a lot of misinformation out there about love, sex, and marriage. . . . . .
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Listen now! "Relationships: why men must be noble & women forgiving" (recorded from Roland's popular Southern California radio program)
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