She feels unloved and he feels trapped. She is unhappy about something and he can't figure out what she wants. Something is going on underneath.
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On the surface, there is squabbling, nit picking, nagging, sniping, or long periods of silence. But under the surface, there is resentment, anger, and judgment.
Sometimes one partner does not realize how badly things have deteriorated. For example, there is the workaholic husband who thinks everything is fine, but all of a sudden, out of seemingly nowhere, she says her needs are not being met and she wants a divorce.
We have been misled and have lost our way. If only we had understanding.
Doesn't it seem odd that after 6,ooo years of human history, we still haven't figured out what's wrong? The best minds and experts have had thousands of years to work on the problem, tens of thousands of books have been written, and somehow it still eludes their grasp. article continues below
Today, many people are living together instead of getting married. They saw their parents arguing, so they reason that if they don't get married and just live together, they won't have the same problems their parents had. But of course, it doesn't work.
You see, marriage is not the problem. The problem is the common misconceptions about what marriage is all about, as well as our selfishness. In other words, we have the wrong idea about what love, sex, and marriage are all about. I'm not blaming the couple, because the media, the schools and sometimes even the churches are not advising us with wisdom.
Often we are being taught the wrong thing. For example, the songs, the novels, television and the movies say or insinuate that sex is love. And the sex education courses imply this by the way the material is taught. Yet, don't we all know in our heart that true love is far more profound?
I guess you could say that the notion of romance is getting closer to the truth. It's a sweet idea and beautiful.
But many husbands and wives have discovered that something more than hearts and flowers is required. Her husband brings her flowers and she is still is dissatisfied. He scratches his head and can't understand what she wants.
If you read my book or listen to my radio programs, it will be a real eye opener. But I think you will eventually conclude that what I say makes sense. There is a ring of truth to it.
Men and women are different. Most men are a little weak--either angry and weak or wimpy and weak. Instead of finding an inner strength, most men look to women to support their ego. This tempts her to rise to the occasion or supporting him in his ambition. But, her support only weakens him, making him more beastly or wimpy. Eventually she resents him, but then feels guilty.
The bottom line is this: no matter how hard she tries, a woman cannot make a man into a man. He has to find it himself. But as long as he is a people pleaser, he will tempt his family to have contempt for him.
The man's problem is a big one: he's got to see that he lacks the kind of fatherly love that his wife and family need. He's got to admit he doesn't have it and then find it.
The wife's problem is somewhat easier. She must learn not to resent him. If he is weak or angry, he is tempting her to resent him or hold him in contempt. She must learn to see his wrong but not resent him for it.
The wrong of another person won't hurt you if you don't resent it. This does not mean that you have to like it or sweep it under the rug. See the wrong, but don't hate.
So like I was saying, if it is any consolation to you, arguing is very common in marriages. You could almost say that all the squabbling and arguing are "normal." We just need to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable.
Hello, my name is Roland. I've been on the radio for almost 22 years, both secular stations and Christian stations around the country.
I get a lot of questions about relationships and marriage--probably most of the questions I get. A couple of years ago I wrote a book about marriage. It was excellent, but I wanted to take it to the next level.
I think that The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage really does fulfill my expectations. I wanted a book that is about marriage, and even though I am a bit old fashioned, I wanted the book to be inclusive. And it is.
People who are in long term or short term relationships will enjoy and benefit from my book just as much as couples who are formally married. I talk about some of the deep aspects of marriage, and I can explain why so many relationships have issues.
I also wanted at talk about dating and courtship (there is a difference), and why I favor courtship.
I wanted a book for ladies who are working on their relationship. But I also wanted it to be a book that men, especially thoughtful men who want to be good husbands and fathers, will feel comfortable with.
I wanted a book that is serious--a serious book about a serious and important topic. But I also wanted it to be fun--a good read, a page turner--and even funny in parts.
Finally I wanted to write a book that can be read again and again. Each time getting some new insight. Or a book that a young man or lady who is just married, and issues develop, can reach for and turn to the chapter on the issue, and get some insights and solutions.
I believe that this is the book.
Your friend, Roland
Why do couples argue?
How can we put the sparkle back in our marriage? How can we communicate better?
I’m a Christian but my boyfriend is not. What is the difference between courtship and casual dating?
My wife asked me to leave. Why are men the way we are? What does my wife want?
Can we reconcile?
How about sex? My wife cheated on me –now what?
Based on over 20 years of counseling couples and answering questions on the radio, this is the courtship, marriage and relationship repair handbook you have been waiting for.
Roland tackles the tough questions with humor, discernment, and refreshing honesty. From the Garden of Eden to the 21st century, he’s got relationships covered.
About the Author
Roland Trujillo, lecturer, marriage coach, author, and radio host introduces his new comprehensive look at the delights, the challenges and the mysteries of marriage. For over 20 years, Roland has been helping couples repair their relationships and move forward to optimal living. Roland is now bringing his insights, based in compassion and spiritual principles, to a new level in this unique look at the perils, pitfalls, and promises of relationships.
Paperback: 318 pages
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