I have been helping people deal with anger for a long time. One of the big factors in destructive or hostile environments is another person--often a spouse or parent--with whom you have a destructive emotional relationship
Often this other person is controlling or micro manages your life. But you are a part of the problem because your passivity has enabled this other person's behavior.
Now you are angry or full of suppressed rage which only makes you more reactive.
My meditation is helpful to be able to stand back and get clarity. Once in a while I hear a program which is just outstanding. I have been the victim of a controlling manipulative person who disrespects and discounts other's opinions.
So I can recognize a really good program with a really super guest, who has also written a book about Finding Freedom from Destructive Relationships. She tells her story about how her mother was abusive to her. And she gives many practical strategies for finding freedom from such relationships with parent or with your wife or husband.
If you think it might apply to you, please listen to this free podcast of Focus on the Family 10/18/2012 with Leslie Vernick
The following is an excerpt from Amazon about the book
Leslie Vernick, counselor and social worker, has witnessed the devastating effects of emotional abuse. Many, including many in the church, have not addressed this form of destruction in families and relationships because it is difficult to talk about. With godly guidance and practical experience, Vernick offers an empathetic approach to recognizing an emotionally destructive relationship and addresses the symptoms and the damage with biblical tools. Readers will understand how to:
- Reveal behaviors that are meant to control, punish, and hurt
- Confront and speak truth when the timing is right
- Determine when to keep trying, when to get out
- Get safe and stay safe
- Build an identity in Christ
I talk about the importance of speaking up in my 4 part meditation. I personally think that most people need to use my meditation - right now they are too lost in emotions and keep getting upset at themselves too. The meditation is key to teaching emotional distance. I think Leslie Vernick's approach is excellent. The only thing I would add, and I do think this is important, is to work on letting go of resentment. Thank you Leslie Vernick for the courage to speak up and for the compassion to help others with your story and advice.
Update: I see that Leslie Vermick has a blog with some interesting stories from people. She also lists some resources for people who are victims of domestic abuse.
I'm not familiar with them, so I can't recommend them personally, but they look they are worth checking out.
"Hello everyone. These are two books that I think you should have on your shelf (or on your
computer, Android or Kindle).
The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage is my most popular book and it covers the basic important stuff like no other book.
Putting the Forever Back in Love is a follow up to The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage.
Putting the Forever Back in Love has advanced strategies. If you have been married for more than 10 years and your marriage is in trouble, this is the book you will want to read.
If you have kids and want to have some advanced insights and strategies for parenting, then Putting the Forever Back in Love is definitely going to be on your shipping list.
Roland Trujillo, MS, D. Pastoral Psychology, is the author of 16 books. He is host of a radio advice program that currently airs in Southern California and around the country for 25 years.
In his new 350 page book Putting the Forever Back in Love Roland reveals little known secrets to marriage success.