The Phenomenon of Looking for Love Online - Sad but Preventable says Author of Relationships Book

Last Friday I was listening to Catholic radio and I heard a program where a lady psychiatrist gives advice on life and relationship issues. (I'm not a Catholic but I like Catholic radio). A call came in that piqued my interest.

A woman called in and said that her daughter, age 19, is having emotional problems. The mother went on to say that her daughter is now going onto Facebook and meeting strangers there and offering herself to them. According to the mother, her daughter even asks them to come over when she (the daughter) knows  that we are not going to be home. (I wonder if "we" means her and her husband).

The mother then, with an emotional plaintiff ascending voice asked "Is there ever a time when birth control is called for?"

The psychiatrist then  responded:  "No, I don't think so." I agree with her principled stance since I believe in abstinence.

The mother then changed the subject and said that her daughter had agreed to some sort of therapy or counseling, and so the mother had gone online to a site to look for someone in her area, but could not find anyone that appeared appropriate. She asked for some other site with Catholic therapists and counselors. The host gave her one.

There was a little more discussion about her daughter's emotional immaturity and the need for education for the emotions, and the need for her daughter to find self esteem that comes from within.

I have no problem with the interaction on the radio. But I was saddened by the situation, and after I turned off the radio to ponder what I had heard, the question suddenly came to my mind: Where is the father? Where is the father in all this?

I can guarantee you that if her father were a good and noble man, and if he was there for her, and if the daughter had a good relationship with her father, there is no way she would have such low self esteem and no way she would be looking for love online. No way.

I recall when I was in my early 30's, I came back to San Francisco from the Midwest, and went to work in a financial district office.  I was working there as an analyst while I completely my Masters Degree taking weekend classes.

I recall that there was a super smart, poised, attractive single lady in the office, perhaps 25 years old. She was strikingly beautiful and some people commented that she looked like a young Elizabeth Taylor.

Her father was an executive with another company. Every week he would come by and the two of them, father and daughter, would go to lunch together. It was a touching thing to see. Obviously, she loved and responded to her father, and she had a great relationship with him.

Of course, she had suitors. They would come calling, and she would agree to let some of them take her to lunch. Inevitably she would come back from such luncheons and lament how immature her date had been. She would say "Can you believe  .  .  . "  and then detail something inconsiderate or shallow thing he did or said. She was obviously disappointed.

She was picky. She could afford to be picky and wait. She already knew she was loved and she had great self esteem because of the good father in her life.

She could wait for a noble and deserving young man to come along, one with the right character. Someone she could respect. Someone like her father.

Watch for part Two: What to do to regain self esteem and a feeling of being loved in a healthy positive way if you did not and do not have a good relationship with your father.


Read more about the importance of father in a daughter's life and w hat the role and duties of the father are in The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage: Making Relationships Work by Roland Trujillo.
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