With each passing day it becomes more and more clear to me just how important love is. We all knew that when we were kids and teens. We saw mom and dad arguing. We heard mom complain about dad when he wasn't there and talked of divorce and and being unhappy. We said "Mom, just be happy. He's not so bad. Just enjoy all the things you enjoy." But she seemed to be under a compulsion to resent him and judge him and blame him.
She gave him a hard time, or silently sulked, until she drove him to another woman, the bottle, work or an early heart attack. Then when he did fail, she puffed up and said "I knew it, see I'm right he is no good." Then out of guilt, she blamed herself.
So when the relationship deteriorated, or one of them deteriorated physically when the stress was too much, and things went bad, just who was to blame?
Both of them. He in his was, and she in her way. Neither had enough love to cancel out the resentment. But like I have always said, it is mostly his fault. You see, as the husband and father, he is like the captain of a ship. It is a lonely job. He must do his duty and if he has to suffer, he must suffer in dignity. If there is a mutiny, he holds his head up high and continues to do his duty.
He stands for what is right. If there is complaining, he lets it go in one ear and out the other.
He never waivers. He never vacillates. The more others are emotional, the more he is calm. The more others are unreasonable, the more his reasonable. The more another has judgment and resentment, the more he does not hate back.
We are all familiar with hate. We have seen it and we have felt it come from another. We all know about judgment, contempt, and blame. We have experienced them and been shocked by them.
It is hatred of all men, passed down from generation to generation, from unloved mother to daughter. And it is use and abuse of women, even that of using a woman to support his ego, or later using her through resentment. The hatred of each other, multiplied by millions of homes around the world, that that is the Devil's feast. It is a hatred of human beings.
And it is the devil in her that torments her with unhappy and bitter thoughts, and eggs her on to hate her husband and all men for having failed her. It is the hell in her that her husband was excited by--the temptation, the tease, the promise of naughty party time or mothering of his pride. It is thus that she gains power over her man, and the hell in her rules them both.
She hoped that he would be the knight in shining armor who would rescue her from her private hell, but alas, he used her instead.
It is hate, you see, that we are dealing with. A terrible hate that underlies the violence and the false compassion that rule this planet. If there is an antidote to this hate, it has to be love. It has to be a very special deep love. A love so deep that it is rooted in a powerful source, a love so powerful that it pulls the rug out from under the hate with non response and love that burns and withers the evil source that currently operates through unaware people. It is a love that shines a light in the darkness. Light overcomes darkness.
So you must forgive your poor old dad. He did not know what he was dealing with. And you must forgive your unloved mom. She hoped her husband would subdue the hell in her, but he was weak and unaware. Forgive and let the buck stop with you.
Stop resenting your husband. He is just a man. And stop resenting your wife. She is just a woman.
There is no courage without danger. There is no chance for love to shine if there is no hate.
Right now she does not trust you. She will test you to see whether you really are becoming a man or whether it's just another act. If she is a wicked woman, she will hate the good she sees and will do all she can to bring you down. But if she is decent, then a part of her, a part of her that has always yearned for the father she has never known, will respond to the good coming through you. And then many good things will come to pass.