Why Do Couples Fight All the Time?
don't really understand each other.
No one wants to admit that he or she is selfish, though it would do you good to do so, provided that you don't want to be.
But sooner or later, most men will admit that they don't understand their wife. And some women will eventually see, through its effects, that their love is not making her husband or kids better.
Fortunate you are indeed if you have a wise grandma or aunt, or a wise father, who has understanding and can share it with you. But even if you did have a wise father, chances are you wouldn't listen until suffering made you wonder "what am I doing wrong in my relationship?"
The realization that one is somehow failing in one's relationship usually leads to blaming the other person, and resenting them. This is a dead end street that goes nowhere.
The realization that one is somehow failing drives most women to try even harder. Women tend to blame themselves, and then do even more. This is unfortunate because it is really the man's fault for failing to be a man.
Realization of failing drives men to become a weak people pleaser--he thinks that by being extra nice, washing the dishes, putting love notes on the refrigerator and bringing her flowers, that all will be well.
Such a nice, people pleasing husband, will then wonder why his wife is even more frustrated with him.
Other men throw in the towel and say "yes dear and no dear," while they go off to the bar, the ball game, marry their work, or find another woman.
Therefore any thoughtful person must come to the conclusion that understanding each other is very much needed.
That is why I am now putting together another book (my 19th). Basically, it's the most advanced relationship advice on the planet.
Here is an excerpt. No, the book is not available yet. But my other relationship books are.
Why a Man Must have True Love, but Few Do
We are all familiar with electromagnetism—how magnets have a north pole and a south pole--with the two of the same poles repelling each other, and opposite poles attracting each other. The simple magnet is an amazing thing. But perhaps more amazing is that all things seem to have attractive qualities, and other things are either compatible and drawn, or incompatible and repulsed. Why is the lichen drawn to the rock? What draws the bee to the flower? When something is magnetized, its structure is altered. And when something is drawn by the magnet, its structure is realigned to be compatible with the drawing magnet. The force field has an affect on what it draws.
Is it not possible that an analogous process goes on with all things—each having attractive and repulsive properties? Is it not possible that all of nature is endowed with attractive qualities that have a hold on animals and plants? The mysterious attractive quality provides a safe haven for the animals that live there, as well as security and identity. The animal identifies with and belongs to its ecological niche.
An animal's visual and auditory recognition capabilities are limited. Of course it recognizes some things by sight or sound. But it is more the presence of other things—their aura, their force field, their mysterious emanations--which the animal recognizes and either flees from or is attracted to.
The mysterious bonding between a parent and child is more than just sights and sounds.
Love is like a magnet. It attracts unto itself that which is compatible. It draws unto itself what it loves. It is our love which draws compatible thoughts. And when our love is self love, then we draw hateful thoughts about others whose egos compete with ours.
There is such a thing as true love. Few know what it is and few have experienced it. True love is an agape emotionless love. True love is also like a magnet, and a very powerful one. It attracts what is good, and it repels what is bad. It contains truth, and pride drops dead in the face of truth. That is why evils and prideful ones shy away from true love. To the prideful ones, truth is like a lie or a spoil sport (ruining their fun and dashing their illusions). They even view truth as a lie and because it makes them (in their wrong and prideful state) feel bad, they don't like it. So they shy away from it.
True love has a stern, no nonsense side to it. People who are truthful are not ego supportive. Their correction of us has an upbraiding quality. It is for this reason that a prideful person misinterprets a truthful person as being mean.
Some prideful ones are stubborn and it takes them a long time to come around. Often it takes many years of suffering for their errors until suffering makes them wake up. It would be easier on them if they simply acknowledged the truth, but the stubborn ones continue on their error filled way drawing calamity, sickness and ruin to themselves. Only suffering may awaken them. But even many of these remain stubborn and refuse to wake up.
But you can't know the heart of a person. Some are only temporarily stubborn and with time will come across to reason and humility. Others have been so abused and fooled that they do not even believe that there is such a thing as love. Besides, they have never seen it. All they have known is cruelty, tease and false love.
With your own family, most will respond to patient correction and calm reasonable direction. As a husband and father, for example, you must persist in pointing things out that need to be pointed out. Be persistent in your correction—just do so with patience and firmness, but without resentment. No need to be angry. Let it go.
No need for histrionics or exaggerations. Generally with very rare exceptions, there is no need for punishing your kids, for example. Believe me, the love coming through your calm, patient manner is a powerful force. Mostly kids just need watching and direction. Little kids need watching and simple protocols, such as brushing their teeth and so on. Older kids need boundaries, direction, and occasionally a "no" with an explanation.
They watch you, and soon they will regulate their own behavior knowing what is expected.
Your wife, gentlemen, may have come from a home where her father was not there for her. She may have been taken advantage of by a boyfriend or two, and so she is angry at, contemptuous of men and rebellious too.
Bringing flowers and chocolates will not work. What she needs is for you to be patient and principled, and yes at times stern (but with a twinkle in your eye). She needs to see a fatherly quality in you. She needs to be able to come against you with naughtiness or rebellion—and instead of seeing anger, resentment or use, she sees the face of love.
Deep in her soul she will sense that you love and want the best for the real her. Instead of using her naughtiness for pleasure taking or for resentment, you instead offer firm, patient, but kind correction.
There is something magic that takes place in the soul of a person who sees true love—perhaps for the first time.
Get your ego out of the way and behold the magic. Just remember, it is not your love that is operating, it is the love from God coming through you, because of your willingness to let go of use and resentment and to get your ego out of the way.
Of course there are some women who are permanent man haters. They love the power that their inner hell gives them, and in their hatred of men, they wish to inflict as much cruelty, confusion and suffering on men as possible. Should you be married to such a woman, she will do everything in her power to ruin you and the kids.
If you have kids, then you must be there for them and with great wisdom protect them from her madness.
Just bear in mind that most people are not bad, they are just naturally naughty. We are all born of the lineage of Adam and Eve. Kids are born with little egos and grow up to have big egos. Egos, it seems do need some tease and challenge to grow.
So don't be overly concerned about the intrigues and squabbling that just naturally occur between siblings. It's natural and all part of growing up. Hopefully the wise parents will create a calm and stable home environment and protect the kids from excessive tease, so that the kids can grow to be big natural, and uncorrupted, egos. If they have responded to, respected, and loved the good shining through you, then when they have reached full stature, they will be able to make a free will choice of transferring the love for the good that they saw in you to the Father within. Your job will be done and God will say "Well done, my good and faithful servant."